What she said

Now that Knitty is out and readers seem to be enjoying it [can you hear the sighs of relief across the canyons and valleys of this great continent?], KG is behind me and all that's coming up before the year ends is a vacation with family, I am starting to reconnect with my life.

Part of this requires a confession: My KG experience was very much like Stephanie's. I hope she won't mind me dittoing her. I won't claim her level of competence, but the stuff about the nerves and the process of production is bang on.

I'm actually quite a confident public speaker, but this experience was tougher than I could imagine. I was nervous, tried to remember everything I was supposed to say, and was heavily coached and rehearsed by my producer [the same one, even!] and treated very nicely by the production staff and Vickie. But I can't honestly say that I'm pleased with my performance. Sure, there were moments when I was *on*, the words flowed in the right order and my personality was in evidence. But it's all a blur, and I mostly remember the messing up and talking too fast more than the doing right and communicating well. I have no idea what the whole picture will look like.

So I will put my faith in the talent of the editor, director and producer who surely said "we're wrapped" only when they were positive they had a show's worth of stuff to work with. I tried really hard and I just hope it all looks okay in the end. It may be a while before I want to do a how-to show again. I'm not sure it's for me.

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I'm not sure why I've got pollyanna-itis in this blog. Not everything has to be perfect, and it's okay to know my limitations. But I've got a thing about negativity and I often find that writing about something that didn't go as well as I'd hoped can make me feel worse rather than helping. Except that that's not realistic, since life is full of the goods along with the bads. Sometimes you just gots to let it out.

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What does it mean when your doctor says, "about your mammogram...no worries, but come in and see me." I'm seeing her Monday. No worries my arse.

[See? I'm taking my own advice. No need for calming words and "it's probably nothing"s. I know it's probably nothing serious, or she would have rushed me in. I'm just getting it out because keeping everything in isn't healthy.]

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Meanwhile, today I had an amazing massage [the best in ages...the RMT was super-attentive to my tendency to bruise and totally understood that I needed to get last week's tension out of my back muscles] to celebrate the Knitty launch. Did I mention that the RMT's office is a block away from my home? How perfect is that?

Then I had a sweet rest to let her work sink in, dinner made by the hub [thick Italian artisinal spaghetti and my good meat sauce from the freezer] and my new favorite beverage: the diet pomegranate soda from President's Choice.

Tonight, more Firefly [I bought the entire series at Best Buy for $25!], more knitting for a peaceful, easy-to-meet deadline [Seasilk!] and sitting with the darling hub. Life is good, and I'm going to concentrate on the goodness as it happens, dammit.