Gloves off.

Who the gloves were on for, that I don't know. Me, maybe. But it's time and I'm just going to say it.

I'm really, really tired of my body ruining my knitting fun.

If you've read my blog for a while, you know my body size doesn't stay the same size for more than 2 seconds in a row. Wonder why I knit so many lacy shawls? It's because they always fit.

I've been big and little [relatively speaking] over and over again my whole life. Even when I'm in a reasonably stable body-size period, no measurement stays the same for more than a month or so. I've come to accept this. I've panicked-dieted from real big to what I consider the perfect size [for me...which is about a 14] more than once in my life. But I can only sustain that panicked state for so long. Operating based on underlying panic doesn't make me happy. It does nothing but keep me in mental freak-out overdrive and fool me into throwing out larger pairs of jeans that I'm likely going to need when the panic subsides.

Aside: This is not a rant about dieting and how I'm going to embrace it again and dammit, this time it will stick! I am D.O.N.E. with dieting, and that includes the most-sensible diet of all, Weight Watchers. I can only stay on the program when I'm in panic mode. How could that possibly be a healthy way to live my life?

This rant is the result of another sweater. I cast on for a really cute super-deep-u-necked fitted vest last night in the hand-dyed deep aqua cotton I bought at the Knitter's Frolic. And then I ripped it out before I finished the first row, because I can feel that my body wants to be a little smaller. I've pretty much been the queen of the slugs all winter, meeting writing deadlines, and now it's time to get out of the house and off my ass.

But what size will I be? Do I have to wait till I get to wherever that is to knit my damned aqua fitted vest? If I knit it now and it's too big by a few inches, it won't be a fitted sexy vest.

I am very aware of -- and believe in -- the BGK philosophy: knit for your body NOW, as it is, no blinders on. But I'm also very aware of how frustrating that can be if you're like me and your body doesn't stay the same size long enough for a sweater to fit you by the time you're done [too big, too small, what's the diff?].

Jillian and I have talked about this and we have no answer except to knit a wrap. I don't want a wrap. I want that damned aqua fitted vest.

A friend has recently gotten noticeably smaller [several inches in the chest, at least], right in the middle of a knitting project. What did she do when it turned out to be too big? She frogged it and has started over. She's a braver woman than I.

Instead, I'm knitting on my deep pink Cables & Os, which will look good and be forgiving of any up-or-downsizing of this body of mine. But the hand-dyed aqua cotton is in a basket, staring at me. I think it's pretty cruel that what I do for relaxation and enjoyment has to be so strongly tied to the size of my body.

Scrapbookers don't have this problem, do they?

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eta: I knew there were more of us with this concern than just me. You want to see the yarn?



and because I know you'll ask:


As is my way, after the moaning and complaining, I've decided to just knit the thing. I will use good BGK principles and add in some design details that may [I hope] act as built-in body-forgiving devices. Jillian's helping me by writing up my pattern. It's not Morrigan, after all. It's not a year-long commitment. It's a vest.

Regarding my original post, I still don't know what the answer is. Maybe I'll invent some kind of cutesy way to take in sweaters with ribbons or pleating or something if I get noticeably smaller. Clever use of shawl pins? If I get bigger, well, knitting stretches. But I'd really like not to get bigger.